After Bela's marriage, Rabindranath had to take her to her father-in-law's house and informed his wife,"I have left Bela at her husband's home. Things are not what you imagine them to be from far away. Bela seems to be quite happy there. I believe she is enjoying the new life. She does not need us in the same way now. It is important for a newly married girl to be away from her parents so that she gets time and space to feel comfortable in her new home. The proximity of parents can hinder this process because the two families are inevitably different in habit and taste. Even in little ways with parents around, it is difficult for a girl to forget her earlier life. If she must be given away, why cling on? It is her happiness and peace we must ensure, not ours. If that is more important, why must we burden her with more attachment.
Believe me, Bela is all right . We should find peace in the thought that she is happy. Things would not have been good if we had not let go of her and her husband. We will continue to love her as before, even more, now that she is far away. We shall enjoy a new and expectant love when they come to us for the pujas, or when we visit them on occasion. Distance is important in all love. Simply surrounding each other may not necessarily be for the good. We will do the same for Rani after her marriage. She must of course stay with us for the first couple of years but when the time is right she must be sent away for her own well-being.
Our family is very different from other Bengali families in culture and taste, language, and neutrality. That is all the more why our girls must stay away from us after they are married. Otherwise, small matters about the husband's family will begin to tell on their nerves and weaken respect and feeling. We must be particularly mindful about Rani, given her temperament. She will change once she leaves us behind.
Just think back about yourself. If I had stayed on at Phultala ( Mrinalini Devi's home town in the Jessore district of East Bengal)."
